Books I have written or am about to write

The curious case of the egg.
In which an Egg becomes Prime Minister for the Whig party
after impersonating Pitt the Elder


A collection of Janet.
Janet Street Porter and Janet Ellis go on an exploration to
Chad to bury a wicker model of Janet Jackson

Midwinter Hacker
On the 21 December solstice a murderer kills the shortest man in England
could the Midwinter Hacker be the same man who killed the Tallest man in England on June 21st

Jaunty London
Whereby a Londoner from Old cockneyland tells the world the secret of how the world revolves around them and how if the tube is broken and they are late for work it is more important than 5 northeners dying in a crash

Wick Wack Woe
Read about the sad demise of Noel Edmonds' live action cross of the old bash the hampster game and naughts and crosses.

Love my eyelashes
For Charles Brice the devotion of Orphelia was not enough, he needed her to love his eyelashes. What drives a man to such acts, and what was the real reason he was thrown out of the 2003 mascara world cup.

Ex-Dog - Brian Harveys Autobiography (Ghosted)
Brian Harvey used to be a dog. It was like Woof only I was a dalmation and their was only one of me not a hundred and I had to have this meat that was like all jellied with eels in it only I swear they were maggots anyway one day I was rummiging through a skip and I ate these pills and the made me a geezer didn't they. It was mad, I rutted this other dalmation but I cun't take it and started acting like a dog coz i wanted to go back to one, it was only when i run after a motorbike and got run over that i remembered that i was not a dog all along and i just took a pill and it fooked me up, I did fuck a dalmation though, that was mad.

Yorkshire Hovercraft
The story of Brian Walcot from Barnsley to Dover floating on a curtain of air.
Foreward by Darren Gough