Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Electric Cardboard

So I am scratching my head now.
I was upside down I remember that, some sort of box was involved.
I met a man called Mr Hampshire, he was wearing a pink beret and had a beard but no moustache. In fact I remember where I met him it was on the corner of Bury Hill and Sutton Road in Potton near Cambridge, why was I there? There was a cardboard box, like an office stora file but it was huge as big as a cargo container.
Mr Hampshire said it was the biggest in the world, however he had lost the lid, "they always loose the lid" he said "not to worry though because they never fit either". I don't recall who built it I remember seeing two tow trucks at either end
of a cardboard wall driving to each other and a box like shape forming as another card wall seemed to rise from its centre. It was then I heard a bang and the next thing I woke up inside a shape and it is nearly that moment I am in now, in fact all I do is turn the right way round from being upside down and I am scratching my head, and its the moment at the begining just before this flashback happened.

I tried to remember more of what happened and get some sketchy details.
I shout out " Mr Hampshire" he does not answer however I feel the sensation of movement. It feels like I am in a truck and I look up, I see the sky moving and momentarily confuse this movement for a windy day. I am in a truck. My head is scratched again but this time its well after the one at the begining because time has elapsed like the film of my life cut away to the exterior of the truck and I was at a designated time in the future and if I needed the toilet I would have been but the story did not need to go into the hows and wherefores.
I look through the pockets of my white coat and find a piece of paper, it is a screwed up first page of New Scientist, there is a picture of me in a yellow beret with my moustache minus beard, and a chap in a pink beret with a beard minus moustache. It reads
John Hampshire and James Jamshire inventors of electric cardboard predicts cardboard size transformers in every home by 2008,
This can not be true, I thought, the properties of electric cardboard are not fully understood, in a home environment it could be catastrophic. Just then the truck stopped, warning lights started beeping and the box began to move backwards down a slope,
the last thing I remember was seagul after seagul made frantic by the power of electric cardboard flying down and opening their mouths and trying to eat my yellow beret and its contents, and just then something flashed before me and the one sentence looped in my head till the thought could no longer exist and my vision turned red from the blood dripping down my brow till the stop of everything, It was John Hampshire offering to file the patent for Electric Cardboard and then laughing like a villain in a bond film.

What a fucking wanker you are John Hampshire what a wanker you are, no one will ever know or trust the safe domestic electric cardboard after you have finished you evil industrial electric cardboard weilding murderous scum.

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