Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ricky Gervais

Hmm, he has gone. It was good while it lasted but I fear
he has gone straight up his own arse.
"Americans do this brilliant and that good and this and brits are scared of a challenge".
Remember Eric Idle, and no spamalot the musical is not a forward step.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Bad Joke I made up

Tetley are to bring out a new tea with an oo in it,
like Typhoo gives you an oo, its called Tetleyoo.

PG tips brought one out a couple of years ago with an oo in it but it did not go so well they called it Poo G Tips.

Its not funny is it.

Thats fucked up the sitcom I was going to write.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Photoshop for Dummies

When my mind wanders I tend to think, why do I waste so much time photoshoping? what would I look like as a woman? Then I thought why do I just not do it manually.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Eat what you want wonder diet

The Carbon neutral thing got me thinking
if I go on a plane they plant a tree to offset the carbon emissions caused by the journey.
What about calorie neutral?
Everytime I eat a kebab or some such garbage, I send a friend to the Gym to work off those calories so the world becomes calorie neutral.
It's the fucking future I swear!
I am going to be as big as (a house) Atkins,
I got this idea on 06 April 2006 so no copying and making tons of money from stupid fat people ok.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Stories for reading on the toilet

There was a man in a ten pin bowling tornament. He was the underdog and he won
on the last pin against a really big favourite.

Two girls went on holiday met two blokes, one lost her virginity the other one just talked with the bloke and was a bit embarressed as she did not fancy hers much.

There was a train going from Luton to Milton Keynes and it was late.
Apparentley it was a knock on effect from an earlier delay.

A guy went for a job interview at the London eye. He was nervous and fucked it up. He still got the job and works on the ticket booth.

A plumber fixed a tap that was leaking, he changed the washer.

Five estate agents were sat on the same table, however it was no coincidence as it was the office christmas party.

One day I bought some glue.

This tuesday I went to burger king, it did not look as clean as McDonalds but it tasted nice.

The butcher thought the bacon slicer was not broken so he made no attempt to fix it, turns out there was a bit of plastic stuck in it.

A french language student from Darwin went to Paris and spoke in french all weekend, she could not really come to grips with the French youths use of slang.

Dog walked into starbucks, the barista ushered it out and it went away, the Barista mentioned it later in a phone call to her mum.

John Livingston answered mainly B's when he did his girlfriends quiz in womans own. It meant he had a great need to be romanced by his/her lover.

I have an honest face

The 36 bus went under a bridge and it was too low, the top deck got ripped off. It was in all the papers.

Danny Baker was in somerfield wearing a cap once, its true I read it in heat.

Mike Barnes once put a CD in the wrong side up, he was not stupid it was a cd rom, he thought it might happen so when it did not play he ejected it and turned it over.