Golden Gate

"So then we all just sit here waiting for a boat, that is shit" said Al, it was not long since he had told us that the round the world trip looking for references to songs was not really working for him.
We had a party of fifteen who had paid us £60,000 each to do it and we had just arrived in San Francisco, and Al was pulling his face at the inspiration to Sitting on The Dock of the Bay which Otis Reading wrote three days before he died with one of Booker T and he was bored.

We still had to do the Frank Sinatra " I lost my heart in San Francisco" and the Scott McKenzie tune before we headed up to Seatle for the Nirvana tour which was the bit he was looking forward too.

"Are you pulling a face because you want to suck Kurt Kobains dead cock you cunt!" I offered by way of cheering Al up, I added "Fucking Otis Reading is a greater legend he used to come here when he had no money and dream about the glamour of these boats but you sit here all mard arsed saying you are bored I dont like boats I am a dick who moans all the time yadda yadda yadda"

Al retorted "Fuck you soul boy, Kurt was one of the greatest visionaries of the 20th Century and yes I am bored what do I and these people who paid us shit loads of money want to sit and watch a load of fucking boats they could do that in fucking Blackpool.."

"Ah" I interjected "They wouldn't there are no shipping lanes there just floating Ships and no dock and no fucking bay!"

Al ignored me "This is nearly as bad as the U2 treasure hunt when they had still not found what they were looking for, or when you locked them in that white room in surrey and told them to imagine for a bit, you are a pretentious cunt and you are making people pay money for shit"

"Al what do you fucking want me to do, I know everything about modern music and travel I was hardly gonna start a fucking greengrocers was I you dick munch, why dont you just fuck off to Seatle now, take them all I dont fucking care they wont learn dick when they are with you." I angrily retorted

"Alright" Said Al "Could all customers please board the bus, the tour will now move on to Seatle while dick boy over here goes to Height Ashbury to get his brain lobotomised and to see if there is an operation available where he can go fuck himself up his own fucking arse"

Its funny I have not spoke to Al since.

This is the borin bit of a blog, the so called Diary

I mean like no one gives a shit but...
I moved house in July, away from Chorlton into a luxury (cheapest house I could find) terrace in Clayton. Not too bad for getting into town (10-20mins on the bus) but not too good for meeting creatives and buying olives!

Anyway I thought I had settled down quite nicely until earlier this weekend, when I realised I had not really unpacked any of my stuff or even set up my record player, which is partly because my house only has one two point plug socket in each room!

Infact all I had done was set up my computers and set up my freeview and couch. So it was with much botheration that yesterday morning I decided enough was enough and finally unpacked. Books and papers and artworks came out of boxes and went into wardrobes that were rather hastily finished (I started one on boxing day and it just lay unfinished in the middle of my bedroom untill Saturday) and put in nice positions, clothes were picked up and put on hangers, carpets were hoovered (after I finaly replaced the flex after the woman in the shop told me the complete wrong way of doing it grrr) socks were paired and undies were sniffed and placed in the washing or in my new "I am always gonna put my duds in this draw" draw, and finaly I set up my record player and I have spent the last 6 hours playing every single record I bought since July, including two by a band I had never even bothered to listen too I just knew they were good, 3x7" sets from new order, and an Eric Satie album from the charity shop.

Now all I need is someway of storing all my thousands of records and CDs that are currently in the front lounge in something better than plastic boxes and to do a little light work downstairs and I reckon I might invite people round, on second thoughts that might be a bit of a stretch, I mean it could do with painting first, and then there is that damp patch and the gutters, might just invite people round who know about damp and have some big ladders.

Valentines Love Story about my Spider Shaped Monkey Knife

The spider shaped monkey knife I bought from Ikea lives in my kitchen draw.
I bought it a plastic shelf with sections and it has only left its home once.

Len Deighton was on TV telling us how he tought Michael Caine to make the perfect omlette in the film the ipcress file. I was amazed. So I went to my draw, and got the spider shaped monkey knife and stirred up some raw eggs and poured them in the pan to make this tasty treat. When I had eaten, I put the spider shaped monkey knife into my sink of hot water and soap. I cut the water with my spider shaped monkey knife into as many pieces as I could, or at least till my arm hurt so bad that it could take no more and when I glanced down I noticed well of white foam had built up. Bah! I thought, my spider shaped monkey knife has disappeared never to be seen again, so I ran to my lounge and got my Ikea catalogue out and looked at a picture of the spider shaped monkey knife and cried a silent tear, it seemed to get me through the night, although I had a strange dream about a Monkey Shaped Banana Spoon.

When I awoke the next day I went to my kitchen and looked in the sink, and there submerged in the clear water, what did I see, my spider shaped monkey knife had come back to me.

Abba

There is something odd, I listen to Abba and it pulls at something in my soul. It is not the music, that is fine and good and not so good, i think it is something in the songs, it suggests a time, a time just before I was aware of time, so every time I hear their songs I am dragged into this alternate abba world where I do not quite know how the rules work, punk or glam rock never do that, abba do and I don't know the words or how they were, or what was around them to influence them, the beatles belong to the sixties, yet I can justify their songs (apart from abbey road which has an abba factor too) and place them in a time a place and a moment even though I now nothing about it because I was not alive. So all in all. Abba make me cry, they make me feel like the leftover at the disco, the melancholic alcoholic looser who needs to smoke and walk up a mountain with the memory of tears pervading my very soul for the remainder of my life. And those very tears and despair make me love and feel zest as if their can be true emotional disturbance their can be joy, so reluctantly I put out my cigarette forget my sadness and dance and dance and dance on an empty dancefloor....there was something in the air that night.

What is a blog

A blog is somewhere you can write any old bollox and it is read by no one but yourself, a bit like a diary no one is interested in because generally you never have sex as if you did this is the last thing you would be writing/reading.

Scooldophile deffinition

Derivation pedophilie.
Mostly men late twenties to early fifties who hang around young children, school playgrounds etc., purely to groom children's parents carers or teachers for sex.

See US MILF

Wannabe Square Peg Paul Ross

The phrase wannnabe was invented by the spice girls to symbolise a new kind of street wise feminism (not necessarily) talented women being noticed and not beholden to the attitudes of men. A good example hotpants romance. Unfortunately this wannabe phrase has been adopted by TV's mr square peg himself Paul "I will do anything on TV" Ross. For fucks sake go on this morning and pretend to know all about Hercule Poirot, maybe amuse Phil Schofield with an impression, but man, for fucks sake, have some dignity. Where do you go from here, they are not gonna give you david suchets job, they wont even let you on freds weather map!
PS
It was too easy to do a mock up mastercard ad (also a bit too 2001)

Fact 5

Fridge has a D in it, Refrigerator gas no D in it. Weird

All you need is love

There is nothing u can say that can't be sung
Coz Im in a love that can't be wrong
Its easy
All u need is love

Sunday afternoons just getting drunk
Staggering home straight to a bunk
Its easy
All u need is love

A meeting of eyes in a crowded room
a nodd and a wink its so succinct
Its easy
All u need is love
***
love love sweet sweet love
love love sweet sweet love
Its easy
All u need is love
****
I've been with you so many times
you pick me up and i feel primed
Its easy
All u need is love

It aint a power game its trust and need
If i cut my arm I know you'll bleed
Its easy
All u need is love

So whats the next step I hear you say
Was it worth the strugle to find a better way
Its easy
All u need is love
***
love love sweet sweet love
love love sweet sweet love
Its easy
All u need is love
***
So as we go on a journey through this life
it gets me to thinking you're my wife
Its easy
All u need is love

All your answers seem to be simplified
because of mutual thoughts its all implied
Its easy
All u need is love
***
love love sweet sweet love
love love sweet sweet love
Its easy
All u need is love

Mr Guest - Road Safety song

mr guest mr guest

wrapped around his escort wheel
he fooled us with his sex appeal
mr guest mr guest

Driving up and down the street
crushing everybodys feet
mr guest mr guest

he thought it cool to drive so fast
now he only has a past
mr guest mr guest

so if your car is not going slow
you know where your going to go
like mr guest mr guest

operatically
he is dead

PodCast

Please subscribe to my podcast. Its experimental Art mixed with a heady mix of pure bollocks.
The first project is Soundtrack an attempt to recreate my journeys of February 03 2006 through to as many white headphoned peoples ipods as possible in the hope of creating a sound echo and hopefully making ipod users appreciate the sounds that happen all around us everyday.

I-tunes users, follow this link and and I Tunes should automatically find my podcast It is free and you do not have to register or anything.

If you use other MP3 clients these should be coming online in the next few weeks, simply search for jamjam23 or ben papercut.

I will endeavor to update the podcasts with challenging audio and video on a monthly basis.

The podcast is marked explicit, it is not rude it is just I often swear and shit (doh)

Soundtrack Part Three

Soundtrack Part Three Homeward Bound 29:58
This is the final part, homeward bound leaving the office and catching the bus home.


Soundtrack Project Full Details

On 3 February 2006, in response to an invitation received through the post on 2 February 2006 to take part in a distance artwork called

Soundtrack, I recorded elements of my day.

I converted these elements of my mundane life, going to work, going to the greengrocers at lunchtime, and going home into MP3's and

published them as podcasts, todays latest I.T. craze.

I then downloaded these podcasts from i-tunes to my i-pod and listened to them on Monday 6 February retracing my steps and attempting to

create my own unique sound echo.

With the files available to all for free via the internet I am in the process of encouraging more people to download my soundtrack via

i-tunes so they can create further echoes of my day and also to allow their own journeys to be soundtracked by my day.

---

Encouraging others to download the podcast is also an attempt to force my soundtrack to echo still further, onto the people you see

commuting trapped in the world of the white headphone.

Perhaps, if they appreciate the sounds they could naturally hear they might take the time to appreciate the sounds that occur on their daily

commute and record them for others to enjoy.

The soundtrack/podacst should be downloadable by searching jamjam23 in the apple music store.

Further info.
The project is purely digital as all the sounds were recorded using my mobile phone.

jamjam23
06 Feb 2006

Soundtrack is recorded in 3 parts


Soundtrack Part One Journey to work 35:01
Journey from my bedroom to work in Manchester City Centre

Soundtrack Part Two Greengrocers 20:16
Lunchtime, it starts at the greengrocers, and includes a chance meeting and a journey back to the office

Soundtrack Part Three Homeward Bound 29:58
This is the final part, homeward bound leaving the office and catching the bus home.

Soundtrack Part Two

Soundtrack Part Two Greengrocers 20:16
Lunchtime, it starts at the greengrocers, and includes a chance meeting and a journey back to the office

Soundtrack Project Full Details

On 3 February 2006, in response to an invitation received through the post on 2 February 2006 to take part in a distance artwork called

Soundtrack, I recorded elements of my day.

I converted these elements of my mundane life, going to work, going to the greengrocers at lunchtime, and going home into MP3's and

published them as podcasts, todays latest I.T. craze.

I then downloaded these podcasts from i-tunes to my i-pod and listened to them on Monday 6 February retracing my steps and attempting to

create my own unique sound echo.

With the files available to all for free via the internet I am in the process of encouraging more people to download my soundtrack via

i-tunes so they can create further echoes of my day and also to allow their own journeys to be soundtracked by my day.

---

Encouraging others to download the podcast is also an attempt to force my soundtrack to echo still further, onto the people you see

commuting trapped in the world of the white headphone.

Perhaps, if they appreciate the sounds they could naturally hear they might take the time to appreciate the sounds that occur on their daily

commute and record them for others to enjoy.

The soundtrack/podacst should be downloadable by searching jamjam23 in the apple music store.

Further info.
The project is purely digital as all the sounds were recorded using my mobile phone.

jamjam23
06 Feb 2006

Soundtrack is recorded in 3 parts


Soundtrack Part One Journey to work 35:01
Journey from my bedroom to work in Manchester City Centre

Soundtrack Part Two Greengrocers 20:16
Lunchtime, it starts at the greengrocers, and includes a chance meeting and a journey back to the office

Soundtrack Part Three Homeward Bound 29:58
This is the final part, homeward bound leaving the office and catching the bus home.

Soundtrack Part One

Soundtrack Part One Journey to work 35:01
Journey from my bedroom to work in Manchester City Centre

Soundtrack Project Full Details

On 3 February 2006, in response to an invitation received through the post on 2 February 2006 to take part in a distance artwork called

Soundtrack, I recorded elements of my day.

I converted these elements of my mundane life, going to work, going to the greengrocers at lunchtime, and going home into MP3's and

published them as podcasts, todays latest I.T. craze.

I then downloaded these podcasts from i-tunes to my i-pod and listened to them on Monday 6 February retracing my steps and attempting to

create my own unique sound echo.

With the files available to all for free via the internet I am in the process of encouraging more people to download my soundtrack via

i-tunes so they can create further echoes of my day and also to allow their own journeys to be soundtracked by my day.

---

Encouraging others to download the podcast is also an attempt to force my soundtrack to echo still further, onto the people you see

commuting trapped in the world of the white headphone.

Perhaps, if they appreciate the sounds they could naturally hear they might take the time to appreciate the sounds that occur on their daily

commute and record them for others to enjoy.

The soundtrack/podacst should be downloadable by searching jamjam23 in the apple music store.

Further info.
The project is purely digital as all the sounds were recorded using my mobile phone.

jamjam23
06 Feb 2006

Soundtrack is recorded in 3 parts


Soundtrack Part One Journey to work 35:01
Journey from my bedroom to work in Manchester City Centre

Soundtrack Part Two Greengrocers 20:16
Lunchtime, it starts at the greengrocers, and includes a chance meeting and a journey back to the office

Soundtrack Part Three Homeward Bound 29:58
This is the final part, homeward bound leaving the office and catching the bus home.

Pretentious Poetry/Songs time again

THE RIVER IS WIDE BUT IT IS NOT DEEP


Woman walks the streets at night
looking for the fix
when she doesn't no the cure
from one car to the next beaten and used

the pains she is in disguised
by lipstick and powder paint
shes to strong to cry
shes to wrong to cry

Living it hand to mouth
disease and death are not far
whos there to help
the moral majority

the pain she is in disguised
by lipstick and powder paint
shes to wrong to cry
trys to strong to cry

She is the one who takes the hit
she needs the hit to numb the pain
she numbs the pain to take the hit
vicious circle to pick on (it)

So here is some hope for every dope
who cant see the shinny side
take some time before you step
the river is wide but it is not deep

Sam Hammond Video

This is a video for Sam Hammond before he joined the UK's sexiest band (heat magazine) The Deadbeats. It's a bit rubbish, it was only intended to jazz up a website, but the songs are good Song One is Pawn in Her Game then it is followed by Bang Brother Bang which is a different version to that performed by the deadbeats today.

The Roadhouse I remember

Yuk the roadhouse
Its sticky carpet the heat the wretched stain of rock dripping from the
walls, black hearted rebels kicking the change on the floor.
Schlock bands playing too loud as they thought they were too cool for
volume although you would never guess looking at their splotched splat hair
and vacant souls spilling from their useless instruments.
Get me vodka so I can clense my soul and not spit back on the piss sopped floor.