Sunday, January 14, 2007


2007 Ok so it is a non descript year. In fact it's the type of year to make you give up resolutions. Yet, Something strange is afoot. Have you seen it. Up and down every high street in the land. It's not those swishy new LED "Open" signs that you see everywhere, god that would be me beating myself up, no it's different. It is not the DFS sale now entering its 15th year of people without socks draping themselves over shoddily built 3 piece suits, nor is it the vague sexual threat of the eastenders spandau ballet dood asking us to get down on it with vague menace at SCS, that would be normal early year fare, nor is the strange shebang this shit winter, I mean shit as in, no snow, no ice, no falling over, no ruining shoes with that white line that you hope is salt, ,no old people dying, no cold just annoying amounts of rain, and not even cold rain, shit rain, wet rain, that wont stop, ever, that means you have to invent new terms for the rain like Druke.

No the strange afoot, if that is indeed an adjective (help I am a foot...does not work)is a new kind of sale. From banks. Yes read that back again, no not for the poor I want to fuck Lynne Truss I hope she notices me i am a bad boy, style grammar of having a sentence that says "From banks." No the weirdness is the fact that I am writing about a
Sale. now. on. at. HSBC....Barclays, Nat West or whatever. HSBC are even saying its a green sale.

Now don't get me wrong, I would be one of those twats you see running into Harrods with his elbows out having camped over since christmas eve, ready for the first sale, if those crazy banks had £10 notes going for £7 quid but that can't be right, I mean the printing the advertising the whole notion of a loss leader to get customers through the doors does not work at banks, so I beg, what the fuck is going on.

Well they want your debt the banks, that's why they give you so much cash, the cunts, unless you are poor, then you can fuck off and we will charge you to everytime you go 1p overdrawn in the morning as you needed some electricity and your giro was due in the afternoon.
Well fine the banks are cunts, that's why it takes 10 days for anything to clear, and people are striking back now by taking them to court over their extortionate charges for more on this look at
So they now have to pursue the stupid people hell for leather. The banks are like Vegas, you might be able to hit them for a few quid, and if you do they will treat you like a king until you fuck up then you are theirs, the house wins, so next time you walk past one and you see a Sale sign, and even if they say they will plant a tree, if you get a loan to buy a fucking giant motorised mince pie or whatever you want to piss your money on, bear this in mind. It is a bank, they are having a sale on, jesus that's wrong, I mean in my day they tried to get me hooked by giving me a sports bag some stickers, a special bank themed version of number one magazine and a Halo James cassette, yes I too was stupid so smell the roses, and be a little smart arse like me and see beyond the advertising.