Friday, October 27, 2006

Aborted Projects

John Box needs a rucksack

Terry and Juniper

Snacktime for Josie

Many a mickle makes a spaceman

Batmobiles and Bassoons a history

The Guinness book of world Cd's

The upside down philatelist

Fatal Embalmer

Shrub Equaliser

Sprig Sprogs Spring roll Show

Abbey hey zoo watch

Fireworks over Cleethorpes

A fistful of air bricks

Sparrow my aunt

Juicy mints hobby house

Railway dreams for pinky

Jelly Whiskey

A bigger room than I imagined

Chislehurst woodchippers chisel show

Brown brick hat veranda

Sky Pen and Bob Racket do Derby

Last of the supervalue wine

Coolio and Julio
Coolio and Julio Isglasias solve crimes with hip hop rhymes blunts and lovin'

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

a do do do a da da da thats all i want to say to you

The most offensive thing I could do.
I had to do.
Rhyme do with do
but why do.

I said I had to do do
but I did not have to do do
I think I wanted to do do
As I know you should not do do

It makes this poem do do
doing this do
by over using do
its just not to do.

so if you are doing a speech at a do
or explaining that a verb is to do
here is what to do....
know there is no such thing as the right thing to do.

Then you are done

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I went to London on Friday

It was shit.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Drunken Rant - Shops

I got drunk and started talking to my computer.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Thank you JD, I have grown emotionaly and I think I love you all lets all hug

Thank You JD

I like Scrubbs. Its funny, it dont give a shit. It is sureal and nasty, kooky and crazy, but why oh my lord why do I hate it so much. There is a simple answer, the program is about 25 minutes long and it is not scared of showing its characters as nasty self absorbed w@ankers, all that matters is the jokes keep coming even if it does involve the death of a nice character or incompetence by one of the leads, yes hooray well done America you get what is funny and you are brave enough to do it, thats what is funny etc.

You have probably twigged by now that something is wrong here, yes one of the funniest, even in its predictability, sitcoms of the last few years always ruins its self in the last five minutes. To the extent that my girlfriend has banned me from watching it as she says I always tutt and shout at the tv in the last 5 minutes and am then in a bad mood for ten minutes afterwards. Yes those sacharine family valued and moral messages about doin the right thing, straight from the huxtables in the cosby show, get slammed down my face and I want something i never wanted from the cosby show, I want all these charactres to die. A voiceover by JD while playing all the characters in slow motion realising the error of their ways and how to improve as people to a soundtrack by fiona apple is shit, shit, shit, and all i want for the last 5 minutes is for all the characters to realise the important things in life, like getting a suicide club together, buying a malfuntioning grenade to share at a party, walking under a ladder near the zoo after the monkeys have discarded their bananas on the floor whilst drunk on pernod or drowning in smug juice. Argghhhh! Just something to make them dead or shut up.

This is why the american version of the office is the best american sitcom on TV.

Things that I think are the same but aren't

Just a quick list

The Theme to Superman and The Theme from Star Wars
(hum one then the other...its hard isn't it)
Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio
U2 and Coldplay
People with Downs Syndrome
Butlins and Pontins
Every Hollywood comedy film I have seen this year (not funny and cue the emotion its fix you by coldplay)
New Labour and Camerons Tory's
local news
the mail and the express
toilet rolls
tetleys tea and beer
double and king size
tunnocks tea cakes and tea cakes
a harp and a harpsichord
pat nevin and hue & cry
deaf and blind people
hamsters and guinea pigs
Philippa Forester and Sophie Aldred
Diet coke and coke zero
Diet Pepsi and Pepsi Max (see above)
Phil Jupitus and Kevin Davies
Tie Rack and the sock shop
newcastle upon tyne and newcastle on lyme
betty boop and betty boo
Robbie from eastenders and tyrone from coronation street
ships and yaughts
rap and hip hop
hale and pace
newspapers weekend magazines
metal bands
porn and erotica
Scissor sisters and Leo Sayer
buses and coaches
poems and short stories
debit card and credit cards
pornography and art
pants and trousers
terrorism and war
add your own