Monday, August 21, 2006

Pete Doherty's Dream

Pete Doherty's dream, I wondered what Pete Doherty out of babyshambles nightmares smelled like so I made this.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Spellink in it

Spelling on a bloge can make you seem stupid even if you are not. I mean honestly, who has the time to spell check? Nobody thats who. That is why I recomend that if the spelling on your page or bulletin is a crock of turd you add the enclosd picture. It will automatically propel you from thick Joey who cant spell to a slightly brighter person who you suspect has a bigger mental capacity than the dumbkoff in the picture.

Aim low, its the internet.

PS I searched for Eamon pictures and there are loads of photo's of him like this one, do you think he watched Napoleon Dynamite, erm hang on its Eamon Holmes he probably watches carry on films on a loop in his downtime.

Snooker Loopy

I wore my waistcoat I had my blue chalk and all you wanted to do was say the balls were an expression of my desire for debauchary and acceptance. I bent over to pot a red and it was my desire to re-unite with my father, when I screwed back onto the black it was my fear of acceptance and the only cure was to drink a shot and go out of the pool hall and hug the first stranger I saw. My top break in frame one of 32 symbolised my reluctance to confront my fear of flying which in return made my "self love" a manic reflection of my own prejudice's.
Tell you what though Raj Prussad, its the last time I play snooker with you you fucking bendy mind botherer.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Right Oil companies, they cant be cuddly and they will always be unpopular so what do BP do. Yes that's right they have vox pops, with people saying stupid unthought out mental ramblings, there is one on at the moment where the woman says "if we can put a man on the moon..." Let me stop that sentence right there,
1/ Who the fuck are these people, are they real? are they actors? Well it does not matter as we all know they are cretins which probably means they are ordinary Joes as we are all that stupid, but most of us wont do it on the telly to sell oil. So if you get approached by a film crew here is what to do.
1. Do not start the sentence "if we can put a man on the moon..." all this means is you associate landing on the moon with the future, you have no real knowledge other than its that big silver thing in the sky. add anything to the end of that sentence and it will sound dull,
examples if we can put a man on the moon...surely we can invent a moth repelling lightbulb/spinny eye machine/crisps that do not crumble in the bag, actualy the last one should be possible, science bastards get on to it!

2. Talk for ages get it off your chest, but whatever happens do not give them permission to use it, telly is not special, they are just underpaid wannabes so taunt them they are all quite thick, be cleverer than them dont be a sheep and nevr give them your real name.

I am bored of this rant you should be too youre not stupid and yes I have realised the irony.

Poor Paul

Paul had never been an Eagle but today was his chance, he grasped the special vimto lolly that had been dropped in the secret bin pod by Mr Debenham the famous confectionery scientist.
Paul placed it under his arm and began to fly, fly like an eagle all the way to the very top of the trafford centre squaking at all the passers by with that Seal song in his head.
The passers by looked on bemused, I bet they are thinking "a bald eagle in trafford it must have escaped" thought Paul slightly worried that he was capable of such a thought with his small bird brain. The flight was strenuous though, and Paul had exerted himself so much that the lolly began to melt into his feathers and became all sticky, he tried to remove it and it was with a crash that he landed dead on the car park floor his flip flops still stuck to the ledge on a piece of discarded sticky vimto lolly.