My travel

I came to Australia yesterday, it was a right nightmare.
I had to get the plane at 7am so that meant setting off at 4am.

So I got the train to the airport and got to the terminal with a two hours to spare.
I checked my bags in and the woman, and if you are reading Alison Bourne, yes it is you, accused me of having a fake passport, yes like I can fake them, so I had to spend the next hour being asked all sorts of silly questions, they phoned my mum and two people from work it was a fucking disgrace. Anyway, thanks to that stupid woman and her crazy notion I nearly missed my flight and people I know got woken up with threatening phone calls so thank you Alison Bourne.

Anyway I touched down (is that what you say) about an hour ago and just had to get that off my chest.
The journey was fine the food a delight, qantas do nice fish if you want to know.
Right I am off need to get my flight to Cairns and I wont need a fucking passport.

Dont believe a word I say

I was a tree

I was a tree with roots and branches and when it rained my toenails grew.
I was a remote control and when i was left by the back of the couch I read teletext.
I was a compact disc in a jewel case but I could not stand the music when i was played.
I was a Shop with a door and things to buy and in the sales I would feel bad.

When I was a tree the birds were my friends
When I was a remote control I wished people would walk to the tv
When I was a compact disc I just wished I was a vinyl album with gatefold sleeve
When I was a Shop I just wished I was the pub.

So all the things I have been and all the things I was
I always wanted to be a weather man but I never knew I was.

mainly cloudy with a high of 22c

If only 74 knew 13 I would be on top but I resign

There is a silence. It is not golden. It's the silence when all the electricity has gone. Not saying that we were not spontanious. I mean it is the silence you only know is truly silent when everything around it is gone. That is where we are now and it can not go on. I only want to do good things and I know that can not happen all the time. I can't be bad,I can't perpetuate your lies or play things politically, I perform tasks, but I am a thinker a drifter an artist, trouble is there is not much call for them, unless you count all my friends, they are the same as me which makes us all so individual, only we have nothing to sell but the freedom of our souls and that is not for sale. So what do we do, do we drink and fuck and screw. No we bicker and worry and get depressed as everytime we touch those stars we remember these are our stars in our room and we have not seen the stars the other people see as we think we know where those are, so we never reach we just sit and look complacent and complicit in the destruction through snobbery of their system, which is our system only we failed it and changed the rules to avoid the truth.

Shall I start a band, that all my friends in bands will see. Shall i paint a picture that no one can buy, write a poem no one can understand, publish a magazine to get in for free or shall I admit I am in a clique.

I resign.
Jared Kington

Back to the point for this is it, I would rather this world I do understand and fail in, than experience the silence in yours.

Festibee

A techno procession of lights
wine poured straight from a grape
A future as told by electric bees
march as one to the pavillion of truth
harness his powers as he does battle
the battle of wits from....old globes.
Illuminated by candles of truth
formed by drunk bees, honey turning to solid wax
on and on and on and off again
the pilot lights of d-doom attack
but I am light I am the sunshine
at 4 am I burn your skin
it can't float in like that
there must be a beep or a wasp flight
yellow black like a hazzard
a jar being slapped with a metal stick
water fills the metal to produce art
and still you dance and dance.

Its time for tea, drink it up
lick the dew on my canvas
I paint late at night,
just enough to catch the breeze
and watch the moth the ugly butterfly.
put your shoes on and dont tie the laces
stick them in your socks and march
the cold cold night of a hot swimmer day.
X
a summer day
a saturday

Make a promise
it wont ever stop
we will be able to lie and look
look up look down
scream out stay proud
watch nothing say nothing and still be the same
we understand.

then we hear the buzz, its a new bee
off to see.....tomorrow.

The award goes to.....

I have often thought of giving awards, when things work better than they should or are just so good as to make me think they deserve one, these are my awards from this weekend including that tragic day when we were knocked out of the world cup.

Best Elgar/Pet Shop Boys moment.

The football finished surrounded by people who did not seem to care, Gary Linekar said goodbye, The England have been knocked out montage came on Numb by the Pet Shop Boys playing along to lots of missed pens and slow motions of John Terry crying.
I Stared manfuly at the TV trying to stay composed, then in the distance booming across the street, came Elgars Nimrod at top volume, a little lump in my throat and the sadness turned to joy, the joy that I knew that would be a moment I would not forget.


Best Soundtrack Oscar to a Nick Hornby film - Badly Drawn Boy.

Thanks Damon, now every time that song comes on or it is in my head as an earworm I start Narrating my life in Hugh Grants voice.
"Walking to work through the northern quarter, 2 Units" "Drinking in Big Hands 5 units."
"Its the people that matter"...and so on the more pretentious it is the better it seems, what is wrong with me for fucks sake!


Best TV advert for a sing a long- Honda - The Impossible Dream

Its subtle and I like that, it makes them look like they think people might be clever enough to understand why he changes from a bike to a speedboat, good lusty sing a long showtune from Man from La Mancha too.
You can't beat a showtune*

Best Lightening
The blast that struck a 100 metres from me as I was stood on a stool with my head out of the window checking on my drains. Made me jump and dislodge my net curtains.

Stupid award for being an annoying twat.
Downloading the frosties , it's gonna taste great tv advert, and saving it as an mp3 on my phone and trying to blue tooth it to people when I am drunk.

Best Snaffle
The man who leaned over the counter at big hands on friday took a large bottle of spirits and just left, despite me shouting "Someones snaffled some booze" like the big grass I am (it's my local you look after it) no one heard me properly and all people shouted back was " A pint of Tetleys". I don't even drink bitter.


* Yes I do like show tunes and will young, and crap rom com's there is nothing wrong with that it is very manly, OK. grrr!
"it's ganna tast great its gonna taste great I can hear the frosties hittin' my plate!"