Add your own swears to the list

I am bored so tried to write a nice story to pass the time, the first two lines sparked me into trying to write some good swears?
Add your own in the reply, the more offensive the better!!

"Shit the boat, It's May"

"Porky aunts you are right"

"Well I have never slipped one to a vicar but I know how they feel"

"Jigger my flaps"

"Jelly fuck toast"

"Saw me in two and crap in the hole"

"Your sisters gastric blister"

"You god damn god damner"

"You're online but you cant remember your fucking password"

"do me a lemon you giraffe"

"I would not shit on you if i was kinky"

"sit on my futock"

"garrote my nads"

"You ain't got a rope to cunt with"

"I would not piss on you if I was on fire"

"portillo"

"member of parliament for knobhead and dickwad"

"you're so fat you would eat cancer pie if it had sugar on"

"you've not got knob cheese, it's knob butter you churn that much"

"I would rather kiss my shit the bed mess"

"it is not small it's just you have a bucket fanny"

"if it smells fishy you've fucked it"

"he bats for the football team"

"salty jazz rubber"

"ever been to fuck off you cunting cuntsville"

"my favorite dj is spin on this"