Sunday, January 15, 2006


Fancy going to a room full of people you do not like much, who all lie and are deluded and think they are better than you?
Do you drink too much try to get off with anyone who moves and then blame it on being a bit pissed?
Have you got slightly shit taste in music bad taste in clothes and believe that you have a lucky pair of underpants?
Are you paranoid and prone to irreverent pissed up rants about anything from the fact mini cabs do not use their radios anymore to the fact that the noises they use to dub out big brother when they are talking about anything good can't be live as their is a jumbo jet on the soundtrack and they do not fly over at night.

Well I can help you.

I am selling a wonder drug called suestitutto.

It makes you taller and seem really interesting, one of the side effects is it makes you intelligent, witty (not savagely) and an all round good egg, you can sing, write, read all to the rough equivalence of Steven Fry. You will find the banter in Frasier amusing and actually fundamentally understand why it is funny,
you will read more books and not just slosh thrillers but proper books like harry potter, just kidding I meant Shakespeare in the original French and Albert Camus in olde english.
You will also be able to play any musical instument and not just a guitar, you will be able to play cello, viola, kettle drum and bassoons and be able to write songs as great as the beatles and beethoven and in touch with youth and progression as much as the tweenys and rkelly combined

Want to take one of these pills?

Well fuck off you should have tried harder at school.

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