Who writes this.

Its all gold. why has this guy not got his own show. What if we all looked like the no profile shot ha i would never ever think of that it is almost the opposite of reality.

What in the heck

Is that. A tank on stilts with flags on? All i know is i had to wait while they moved it out of my way.

I am still twelve at heart.

Taking pictures of statues winkles because i still think it is funny.

I want to stay here

Its a hotel that looks like it is 1961. I imagine a velvet seated bar and hard beds made out of wood.

I can bullshit like the best of them.

But the quote in this trade mag made me spit out my tea.

I can bullshit like the best of them.

But the quote in this trade mag made me spit out my tea.

It is sad

But lets face it the thing was a bit crap and not that big.

Someone was

Having a laugh this morning.

Someone was

Having a laugh this morning.

I read the book first

Doubt the film will live up to it

Random pause

Jack lies down and remembers there is dog poo on the floor.

Disk lex sick

Joy division fans?

Alan needs a poo

Random pause shows sir alan pushing one out.

Cleaning out my trash

I found this, it is equally disturbing and strange on many levels.
Nazis, clearly no good, but on a donkey with a wooden gun?

---------------------------------------

Having thought about this a bit, I guess it is the equivalent of scallies trying to look hard on a bike that is too small for them.

Crap

I keep buying seventees glass. Because its in the box. I bring it home check ebay and find it is only worth the two pounds i paid for it. Drat.

The boy who lost his laugh

I remember this as a kid, the soundtrack is ace, you don't need to understand German to understand the weirdness. "The Baron" bought the kids laughter (probably for a million marks)
and this is the moment Timm got it back, by witnessing some classic slapstick. Heart-warming.
This program always reminds me of Kevin Keegan too.

I hate

Too many haters

Made up facts probably

The Tie was invented in 1674 by Bernard Pressbilger but did not become fashionable until Queen Victoria's son Albert wore one at the Bentley Club opening in 1883.

The Big Sleep was written by Raymond Chandler on a Hummingbird typewriter.

It is horrible being in love when you are between the ages of 8 and 9.













It is legal to conceal a weapon in your sock in Carmel California, however shoulder holsters are illegal.

You can kill crossbow makers if you are Welsh

Canon cameras originally used a "Pulitzer" lens hence the name Pulitzer Prize.

Pelican crossings have a tactile machine underneath the operating unit that the deaf/blind can use by twisting. When the signal changes it spins round telling the deaf/blind it is suitable to cross.

A bee sting caused Salvador Dali to hallucinate the lobster phone.

















Dorris Day is alive.

Sting is named Sting as other members of the group said his face would Sting after they beat him up and piss on him.

8/10 people who make tea wonder if they could re-use old bags

VAT is payable on belts wider than 4cm as they are considered Adult rather than Childrens clothing.

The average child can speak 16 languages.

Vicars uniform as well as the dog collar, black shirt and slacks also includes Banana yellow Y fronts

Cricket the sport is named after cricket lighters that WG Grace used to light his cigars.

Bic lighters are names after the Pens.

Bic Razors are named after the lighters.

Bicycle couriers became popular during the Cuban missile crisis for passing documents between Washington government departments as Communists can not ride bikes.

Oranges Apples and Mangoes are all part of the bear family.

If you want clear ice cubes use twice boiled water.

Kylie Minogue is a trained mechanic.

Timbaland appeared in the last episode of cheers as an extra using his real name Timothy Mosely.

Up till the early 1990's it was fashionable to wear timepieces on your wrist rather than just using a mobile phone.

It is impossible to move your legs clockwise whilst patting the match of the day theme onto tour torso.

I prefer paul

He was taller

You wanna see some puppies.

Woof woof

hmmm

I am sat with a northern comic

He is not funny and i dont know who he is. His mobile has three 69 s on it and he is talking live at her majesty variety and sea side special. He likes frankie boyle though.

Does this really need comment

I like spotting head the balls on tv. This one was on ramsey kitchen nightmares.

Oliver

Lazy firemen.

They made me walk the long way to town and then i found they were not even holding their own hoses. Probably off playing pool somewhere or posing for a calendar.

This and that

The ultimate curry. The ultimate gift.

there is a monkey in our bed

April and the Ass-kicking Bambi Assassins Part 3 Excerpt

Something extra was needed, the ass kicking bambi assassins had been defeated again.
They had tried to stage a revolution overtaking the enchanted forest by uniting with the red squirrel army.
April was livid as a new coalition between the grey squirrels and the badgers had taken the north field.

It split the Bambi assassins down the middle, especially as the badgers had been instrumental in the destruction
of the horsefly army when they attempted to infiltrate the bees, dressed as hornets.
The geopolitics of the forest would strain anybody and April and the ass kicking bambi assassins looked to be
going their separate ways. However the forest can sometimes deliver a miracle and this happened again this morning,
a new animal waded into battle, the mighty boar of boaccus, the wildest most feral animal killer in the entire animal world had arrived in the enchanted forest and would agree to fight cheek by jowl with april and the ass kicking bambi assassins and the red squirrel army in return for full mushroom rights. Slaughter of the badgers and the grey squirrels was imminent.
The north field would be reclaimed, and then the boar of boaccus would be slaughtered as the mushrooms belong to April.

Ha ha

Even fire engines are getting stuck now

Pun tastic

Possibly the worst play on words i have ever seen.

Hello world

I am martha the kitten. I like jazz and clasical and hiding in corners.

Idiot

There is no way gig pictures on your mobile come out.

Yet people still persevere and all you get is nowt.

our lovely new sideboard

now cue the chas and dave song
not bad for 53 quid delivered.

The kids are cool daddy o

In this age of hip hop the internet and youth culture no longer the sole preserve of the young it is great to see the almost intuitive connection this sign conveys with our angry and bored youth.

Bustia Buzon

The ultimate porn name, or just a short lady with a very low letter box.

Meaty beaty and bouncy

Farmers eh, who says we city folk do not understand them, here is something they do for fun.

Sex lantern

Sorry but can not resist such obvious gags.

Chicken

Ingredients
1x Chicken 4lbs
1x Onion
1x Apple
1x Grape
1x Damson
23 Sultanas.

Carefully peel chicken and place in frying pan.
Fry on a low heat for 12 minutes ensuring the skin
is browned.

Place the onion and all the fruit except for 5 sultanas into the carcass of the chicken and
place in a pan of boiling salted water.
Cover the pan with a lid and place the sultanas on top and boil for twenty five minutes.

Use the warm sultanas from the lid to dress the chicken and the excess water from the pan
will make an excellent cocktail or fruit and meat punch ingredient.

No no no

I suppose if you are going to get fucked up all day you might as well look the part.

Just a reminder

Three is the magic number.

Temptation

The toilet floor reminded me of the sleeve to temptation by new order.

Test

From the phone

Strawberry

Giant ocean strawberry tasted like metal chewing plaster