Sunday, November 06, 2005


What's in a name you may ask. Well ask that question in the ear range of
Richard Head and his best friend Thomas Crapper and they will shout out at
you in an exhausted manner, "People call me Dick Head and its not funny" or
"People call me Toilet man" so not funny.

How do people with rude names cope especially when trying to order services
on the telephone were pranksterism has tarnished their names in the past. I
spoke with Amanda Hugmee a German lady who lives in Colchester.
"I vas trying to order a special bra from your Marks and Spencer, ven I
told zem my names they hung me up"
I rang Marks and Spencers press office to get their angle on this pow wow
kerpow but they hung the phone up on me. One of the few people I did not
expect to have a problem with this whole name game was big 6'8" Taiwanese
lady boy Sukmi Cok,
Sukmi explains. "I came England with my new husband David Furnish, we went
to get married and vicar say leave it till after ceremony, he thought blow
job but me Sukmi Cok long time so me used to funny thing Engrish
"It's not just people with rude names that suffer", chief epinolgist at
Cardiff University Blairsac Hunt explains, "people with the names of
celebrities suffer psychological damage and rejection that can manifest in
a number of ways firstly with low self esteem which then leads to
personality and sense of humour by passes, the purchase of bright clothes
and the bubbly fat bloke persona then begin to rise to the surface and it
then redoubles as people become put off that"

One of the worst instances on record at the university was that of Keith
Chegwin, forever tired of explaining his name as "no not that one" he
actually changed his name by deed pole to Hogwarts Chegwin von Bloomship
and later went on to marry Maggie Philbin who is a former wife of the real
Keith Chegwin.

The simple answer to all this is to change your name by deed pole, although
this is not always necessary, I spoke with Herbert Smythroat QC at his
chambers in London. "Changing your unusual name by deed is not always
necessary as long as you consistently use a name change and it is not for
fraudulent purposes, as an individual you have the right in law to be
called anything you want. A deed is just a declaration you will uphold and
use your new name consistently and it is handy for changing passports etc."

The thing with some off these stupid names is it's the parents of the
children who are ultimately responsible for atrocities such as Fatima
Whitbread, and Chips Chipping, this is all a sign of living in a free and
Unitarian state based on peace love and understanding and a flag unlike in
Germany where each state is run an a feudal system and the registrar has
the right to assassinate any children with an inappropriate name. Sepp
Beckenbaur explains. " I vanted to name my 2nd child after the legendary
Borussia Moenchengladbach line up of 1975 when I went to register the birth
The registrar took exception to this and executed my baby before I could
consider a change. Even at the funeral the registrar refused to allow me to call the
child Danner, Simonsen, Hensen, Heynckes, Voigts Bang argggh ze registrar is here he shot me in the face brrrrrrrr . . . ." Sepp hung up rather quickly but despite
this I thank the lord I have not been tarnished by this whole messy name

Hugh Briss for papercut

rejected by me

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